By Paul Henry /

I’m a time traveller. Or I was. I’m stuck in 1969. We’re stuck. All of space and time, he promised me.
Now I’ve got a job in a shop, -I’ve got to support him!
-Martha! -Sorry.
-I’ve seen this bit before. Quite possibly. -1969, that’s where you’re talking from?
-Afraid so. But you’re replying to me. You can’t know exactly what I’ll say
40 years before I say it! -Thirty-eight.
-I’m getting this down! -I’m writing in your bits!
-How? How is this possible? -Tell me!
-Not so fast. Yeah, people don’t understand time.
It’s not what you think it is. Then what is it? Complicated. Tell me. Very complicated. I’m clever and I’m listening
and don’t patronise me because people have died
and I’m not happy. Tell me! People assume that time is a strict
progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear,
non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball
of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff. Yeah, I’ve seen this bit before.
You said that sentence got away from you. It got away from me, yeah. Next thing you’re going to say is:
“Well, I can hear you.” -Well, I can hear you.
-This isn’t possible! No! It’s brilliant! Well, not hear you exactly,
but I know everything you’re going to say. Always gives me the shivers, that bit. How can you know what I’m going to say? Look to your left. What does he mean by look to your left? I’ve written tons about that.
I think it’s a political statement. He means you. What are you doing? I’m writing in your bits. That way I’ve got a complete transcript
of the whole conversation. Wait until this hits the net.
This will explode the egg forums. I’ve got a copy of the finished
transcript. It’s on my autocue. How can you have a copy of the transcript?
It’s still being written. I told you. I’m a time traveller.
I got it in the future. Okay, let me get my head round this. You’re reading aloud from a transcript
of a conversation you’re still having? Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey. Never mind that. You can do shorthand? So? What matters is we can communicate.
We have got big problems now. They’ve taken the blue box, haven’t they?
The angels have the phone box. “The angels have the phone box!”
That’s my favourite. -I’ve got that on a T-shirt!
-What do you mean, angels? You mean those statue things? -Creatures from another world.
-But they’re just statues. -Only when you see them.
-What does that mean? Lonely assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from.
They’re as old as the universe, or nearly. They’ve survived this long because they have the most perfect
defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked.
They don’t exist when being observed. The moment they are seen by any living
creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It’s a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing,
they literally turn to stone. And you can’t kill a stone. Of course, a stone can’t kill you,
but then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes, it can! Don’t take your eyes off that! That’s why they cover their eyes.
They’re not weeping. They can’t risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset
is their greatest curse. They can never be seen…
loneliest creatures in the universe. And I’m sorry. I am very, very sorry.
It’s up to you now. What am I supposed to do? The blue box, it’s my time machine. There is a world of time energy in
there they could feast on forever. But the damage they could do
could switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me! How? How? And that’s it, I’m afraid. There’s
no more from you on the transcript. That’s the last I’ve got. I don’t what stopped you talking,
but I can guess. They’re coming.
The angels are coming for you, but listen. Your life could depend on this.
Don’t blink! Don’t even blink. Blink and you’re dead. They are fast,
faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back.
don’t look away and don’t blink! Good luck!

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